How to fight writer's block

I've seen so many of these posts in my day.  So many different ways to rearrange the same ten or twenty things that everyone says to do when you're blocked.  Take a walk, people say.  Or a bath.  Let yourself relax and stop thinking about your work.  Bullshit.  It's just the same, tired cliches on how to do something about being creatively blocked, when, really, there's only one answer.  So, here's my list.

How to fight writer's block:

1.  Scream.  Often and loudly.  Scream at every blog post that references things like going for walks or taking baths.  Alternatively, scream while taking a walk or a bath.  It's great for getting rid of stress.

2.  Skip around your house whistling Scarborough Fair, or any related Simon and Garfunkel song.  This one is good if you have dogs, so their looks of disapproval and disappointment can force you to get back into your chair and sit at your computer, and better if you live with actual people, so they can ask you how you're feeling and if you've taken your meds today.

3.  Play a drinking game!  Take shots of your least favorite alcoholic beverage every time you try to get up from your computer.  You're already one behind if you've followed the above advice, so get to it.  You might not get any writing done, but when you wake up you'll already be sitting at your computer, so you have no excuse.

4.  Teach yourself a new skill.  Like minesweeper!  Or throwing cheerios into your mouth.  Or how to type with your toes.  Anything that doesn't involve getting up, or else you have to take a drink.  Eventually, you will be so bored that you will have to actually type words to keep yourself from blacking out.  Problem solved!

5.  But seriously.  How to get through writer's block?  Work through it.  Keep writing, even if it's crap, because you can always go back and fix it, unless it isn't there to fix.  If you like any of these ideas, though, please try them.  And let me know how they work for you, because they sure as hell didn't work for me.



ALSO!  People, I have put the first chapter of my book up on YouPublish.  Here is the link to my profile, and here is the link directly to the chapter (where it is up, FOR FREE, because I love you guys).  This is not the final edit!  After I'm done putting all the chapters online, I will also put the completely edited book in the same place, either for free or for a ridiculously low amount of money.  Keep it in mind, and if you happen to read it, let me know what you think!


So, what's your least favorite beverage?  I think mine's gotta be either whiskey or absinthe, and if I had to take a drink every time I stood up I would probably type until I peed my pants.